I told the last fact to a friend and he said "Yeh, they also say a spider walks across your sleeping face two times a week." Damn. So much for my vagrant itch theory. Why is it I get this feeling my insomnia's coming back tonight?
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It's interesting to me how some words become more acceptable when used in a foreign context. The other day one of my boys was regaling us all at the table about some poor overweight or marijuana addict kid in gym class who had a bad case of man-tits. "Was the thought of them preying on you?" I ventured. He went on without out paying me a moment's notice. They take my bad puns for granted around the household and that, coupled with the natural proclivity of any teenager to totally ignore anyone else, especially an adult, in conversation, pretty much insured I'd be able to slip a remark in unheard. Anyhow, we'd have been all over the kids with angry admonitions if they had said just "tits." But somehow saying man-tits made it all okay.
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Speaking of things inane and teenage, my boss Greg says the reason "Dude Where's My Car" did so badly at the box office was because they just didn't stick to the book.
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So. True story. We have this customer. Great guy. Dresses well. He has a creative nature. And he's chosen to legally change his name to reflect that fact. Which I'm all for. So printed on his checks is the moniker "Day Gecko Fire Starter." Which he also scrawls out in the signature blank. Yesterday I said to him: "So Day, with a last name like Fire Starter, do you have trouble getting homeowners insurance?" He laughed.
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Test drove one of those new hybrid cars the other day. The Toyota Priapus. Man. I was amazed, they say for gas mileage it's hard to beat but I didn't expect it to keep going, and going, and going, and going...
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Speaking of bad names and words taken out of context. I saw a phonebook listing the other day for the "Sexual Assault Assistance Office." My twisted uncontrollable mind just naturally wonders who would be stupid enough to go in looking for help to assault someone. Really. Can't the high paid government wordsmiths come up with some name less likely to be twisted to its semantic opposite? I'd hate to be the sufferer of multiple rape and have to go through the agony of the vision conjured up by that name.
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And lastly, the loose use of words has penetrated even to the mental depths of my son's athletic coaches. We were at a track meet and I was talking to the coach. I was complimenting him on inspiring the kids to really put out their personal best. In the process, I mentioned how my son's former baseball coach was less effective in that regard. "Well," he said, picking up some pseudo-cinders from the long-jump pit, "track's a whole different ball game."
Yep. And my son really had to overcome some hurdles to play basketball too.
