Satanosphere.com create account | SatanoFaq | Satanosearch | Satanosphere IRC
Front Page
Everything
News
Diaries
Culture
Rants
Entertainment
Advice
Sci-Tech
Weird
Satanosphere
Christians Suck More and More

Religion
By matt, Section Rants
Posted on Mon Nov 18th, 2002 at 03:35:37 PM PDT
Ladies and gentlemen of Satanosphere: we are winning. By we I don't just mean those of you who read our foul yet fine site, I mean those who don't believe in the idea that 2000 years ago a carpenter's son saved us all from the fiery pits of hell.

You see, Christian churches are reporting lower and lower turnouts each week. Less people are attending Christian churches, or churches in general. I seems nobody these days really wants to be a Christian.

And really, can you blame them?

Christianity is the worship of a god and his supposed son. But for many pilgrims in India, they are also worshipping a five-inch loaf of bread. It seems that Jesus has taken his own words of "this bread shall be my body" to literally as he has appeared in a loaf of bread. Christians and non-Christians alike have been praying to the bread in an Indian church, where it has been encased in glass.

Jesus Christ can't keep out of food. At a public high school in Georgia, soldiers of Christ are in trouble for hanging out with the kids and trying to convert them over their cardboard high school pizza. The school says that it's ok, that " Similar opportunities for lunch visits are offered to military and college..." Heh, heh. It's a sad day when the clergy must take to active recruiting to keep the church coffers full. Why don't they just go door-to-door? Just kidding.

Really, though, they have to do it. There's a stigma involved, and rightly so. No single person has caused more war and bloodshed than this God fellow, and people don't want to be associated with him. And I mean nobody. In England, an award show was praising celebrity Christians was cancelled when the celebrities backed out so nobody would know they were Christians. Now that's funny.

Losing my religion? You bet, man.

< Jobe's Daughter: Chapter 25 (0 comments) | Don't let it die! (2 comments) >


Login
Make a new account
Username:
Password:

Related Links
· worshipping a five-inch loaf of bread.
· soldiers of Christ are in trouble
· the celebrities backed out
· More on Religion
· Also by matt

Display: Sort:
Christians Suck More and More | 30 comments (30 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
He was in Catholic Bread this whole time (none / 0) (#1)
by Mister Rum n Coke (mdhpiper@hotmail.com) on Sun Nov 17th, 2002 at 03:42:42 PM PDT
(User Info) http://rdos.blogspot.com

Oh come on! I'm getting fed up with you people always putting down...(WHO THE FUCK are you to say anything? Mr. "I'm going to tear up the Bible while talking about sex and booze all the time"?)

Jesus Fuckin' Christ...I give up. Besides, sinnin' is so much fun.


I'm sorry but I have had it! I have never heard of such a Christmas!! Sex... and drugs... an-an-and women being set on fire!



Abstaining (none / 0) (#2)
by Starwing on Sun Nov 17th, 2002 at 04:06:15 PM PDT
(User Info)

While this is humorous and well written, and while I am fully for people finding their own path without the aid of Christianity, the fact that the intro to this story sounds like an "Us versus Them" holy war actually made me want to vote it down.

I have been commanded by the Power I Believe In to remain neutral in such matters, as this kind of "Us vs. Them" attitude only creates divisions. That isn't what we, as a species, are here on this world to accomplish. WHat we are here to do is pull together. We need each other to survive, and religion, I feel, is nothing more than a wedge that continues to split us apart.

        S   T   A   R   W   I   N   G
There are 10 kinds of people in the world:
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.



Starwing: (none / 0) (#3)
by matt (matt [at] satanosphere dotcom) on Sun Nov 17th, 2002 at 04:28:01 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.satanosphere.com

I want you to look down. There, next to the napkin dispenser, near the pepper. It's salt. Take a grain, and read it again. I think you'll understand.

_____

Who has the "Oblique Diary Crown" right now? Rat? Well hand it over, buddy. -Zombified
[ Parent ]



Not to jump on Starwing... (none / 0) (#4)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.gmail.com) on Sun Nov 17th, 2002 at 05:47:07 PM PDT
(User Info) http://museumpoparch.blogspot.com

Really, I get your point and agree in an abstract way.

But c'mon, this is place called "Satanosphere." We're therefore at times expected to make comments or introductory remarks of a somewhat satirical nature.

To illustrate, I'm sure Matt's mama is a very genuine and nice woman. It's just comedy. That is, until Matt finally cracks and takes out his revenge on us all.

(That's actually something his mama is more inclined to do. Ba-BING, eh!)

--Shrug
Now Doing Weddings And Irony
[ Parent ]



Sea Salt at that... (none / 0) (#5)
by Starwing on Mon Nov 18th, 2002 at 11:44:28 AM PDT
(User Info)

I'm glad I didn't vote it down.

        S   T   A   R   W   I   N   G
There are 10 kinds of people in the world:
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
[ Parent ]


You're Kidding Yourselves... (none / 0) (#6)
by King Dinosaur (KingD@Hailtotheking.com) on Mon Nov 18th, 2002 at 04:10:53 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.kingdinosaur.com

Would that grain of salt still be taken if I were to title an entry, "Buddhists Suck", or "Wiccans Suck". This is a malicious entry, and no amount of couching it in terms of "satire" or "take it with a grain of salt" can change that.

I think it's pathetic that a handfull of prominent shysters and hate-mongers can make people so scared and angry that a huge majority of decent, low-profile people have to take this kind of shit. The term "Christian" is applied to so many people who don't follow and don't understand (or care to) the teachings of Christ. These people who infiltrate the government and try to make you live your life the way they see fit, are not true Christians. Neither is anyone who practices hatred...of anybody. Yeah, it's annoying when somebody tries to tell you about their religious beliefs in the hopes of converting you - but please, annoyance is no reason for blatant hatred and discrimination. And that's what this kind of stuff is, you supposed open-minded people - this is an entry full of hate and fear. The other side of the coin, as it were.

I can't tolerate this kind of story be it against Christians, Jews, Islam...whatever (and if any of you are thinking about the Satanism thing I commented on a while back, I really hope you read all my following comments on that topic).

I was brought up in a Christian household, and although I don't practice what I consider the true spirit of Christianity, I know a lot of truly decent, likeable, caring, considerate, and accepting people who do. On behalf of those people - consider me offended.


"It ain't no broken." - Scott Taylor



OK.... those are good points. (none / 0) (#7)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.gmail.com) on Mon Nov 18th, 2002 at 05:20:56 PM PDT
(User Info) http://museumpoparch.blogspot.com

Mea culpa... Sometimes I think we take for granted that when we say "Christian" here, everybody knows we're actually saying "the Christian right" or "fundamentalist Christians." Obviously, though, it's not safe to make that assumption.

True, maybe a lot of people here are inherently non-Christian in the sense that they reject the mythology of the Bible, or have simply ascribed to another philosophy, if any. And by naming our site what it is I guess we tend to have this little in-joke where we position ourselves, at least in subtext, against the guy with the crown of thorns, or more speficially, the bloated right-wingers who use Christ's words as excuses to control or lambast others. You're right, they aren't Christian.

Jesus was, as King Missile pointed out, indeed way cool, and lots of believers out there reflect that without turning him into a Nazi the way Pat Robertson does.

At least I'll try to be more specific about my targets. Apologies for the offense.

--Shrug
Now Doing Weddings And Irony
[ Parent ]



That's All I'm Sayin'... (none / 0) (#8)
by King Dinosaur (KingD@Hailtotheking.com) on Mon Nov 18th, 2002 at 05:42:02 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.kingdinosaur.com

Thanks, Paul.


"It ain't no broken." - Scott Taylor
[ Parent ]



No problem, buddy (none / 0) (#10)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.gmail.com) on Mon Nov 18th, 2002 at 06:58:15 PM PDT
(User Info) http://museumpoparch.blogspot.com

And remember, Satan loves you!

--Shrug
Now Doing Weddings And Irony
[ Parent ]



I do... I really do... (none / 0) (#24)
by satan (satan@satanosphere.com) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 01:20:32 PM PDT
(User Info)

I love you... love to hug you.

Jesus ain't got shit compared to me.
[ Parent ]



You certainly sobered me up. (none / 0) (#9)
by Mister Rum n Coke (mdhpiper@hotmail.com) on Mon Nov 18th, 2002 at 06:18:22 PM PDT
(User Info) http://rdos.blogspot.com

And irregardless of the way I choose to live my life, I can't help but get a little defensive whenever I hear Christianity being slammed (especially Catholicism where I was raised, and over the last couple years I've had to put up with a ton of anti-catholic shit.) Usually the people most vocal about their disdain for religion are those who weren't even affected by it in any way, other than possibly having been bored sitting through a 90 minute service.

But since this site is named Satanosphere we'd be fools to believe that it should be a safeplace for Christian portrayals. For it to not be offensive, however, those who post need to grow a bigger set of balls and be cynical (or downright hateful) against ALL religions. The reason we're not seeing that is because it's cool to bash Christianity, while it's considered racist (or at the mildest, politically incorrect) to bash any other religion.

I mean, for godsake if I were to post what I really think of Sharon's policies I can already tell you what kind of response I'd get. (The biggest argument always tends to be that since I live in Olympia I have no right to have an opinion on current events or the state of the world. That's bullshit.)

The reason South Park is funny (at least in the first couple seasons) is because they fucked over every creed, color, orientation, nationality and what have you. Nothing was sacred, everyone was fair game.


I'm sorry but I have had it! I have never heard of such a Christmas!! Sex... and drugs... an-an-and women being set on fire!
[ Parent ]



Yeah (none / 0) (#11)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.gmail.com) on Mon Nov 18th, 2002 at 07:06:38 PM PDT
(User Info) http://museumpoparch.blogspot.com

I was thinking, though... the reason South Park does what they do -- and this is, I grant you, a very shaky artistic premise that must be handled with extreme caution if the message is to get dispensed properly -- is to mock the stereotypes being propogated. True, if Trey & Matt didn't try to dispense a real moral message at the end of every episode (the one part of the show where, believe it or not, they really aren't joking, no matter how funny it sounds), then maybe it just might be random, hatefully produced spew. But usually it isn't. At least most of the time, anyway.

This is also called the Howard Stern defense. I can understand it and laugh at it most of the time.

There's really nothing wrong with the absolute core of any religion out there. It's just when you picket Matthew Sheperd funerals with signs that say "God Hates Fags," or ram passenger planes into buildings in the name of your God, that you're wrong.

That said, you never get this problem from the Buddhists.

--Shrug
Now Doing Weddings And Irony
[ Parent ]



Oh Yeah? (none / 0) (#12)
by hot blooded (ilovedraculaBUTIHATESPAM@hotmail.com) on Mon Nov 18th, 2002 at 07:35:06 PM PDT
(User Info)

Ever heard of Aum Shinrikyo?

hb: I'm having a party in my refrigerator and you're invited.
sw: That's so cool!

[ Parent ]



Oh, that's right (none / 0) (#15)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.gmail.com) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 08:08:08 AM PDT
(User Info) http://museumpoparch.blogspot.com

I remember that now. Well, it took awhile at any rate.

--Shrug
Now Doing Weddings And Irony
[ Parent ]



True (none / 0) (#13)
by ZomBfied (poundofflesh@hotmail.com) on Mon Nov 18th, 2002 at 11:35:43 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.uberdroid.com

If it were called "Jews are sucking more and more..." no amount of salt kosher or otherwise would...well you get what I'm saying.

However...ever notice how every Christian says every other kind of Christian is not realy a Chistian.

As though anybody who does anything bad in the name of Christ is suddenly de-facto not a Christian therefor absolving Christianity itself of any responsibility for the acts of it's followers.

Once you see enough bad things (The Dark Ages, the war in Ireland, everything on the Trinity Broadcasting Network, etc. you might start to wonder about the source, or as Christ himself would say, "Judge a tree by it's fruits."

I would further posit that saying "Buhdists suck" or "Wiccans suck" would indeed be more unexcusably inflamatory because Buhdists in fact don't suck and neither do Wiccans. I personally have never had a sucky experience with either especially about their respective religions, but I can't say that about Christians. Buhdists don't ask for money on TV, ban books or write those insipid chick comics and leave them around. Buhdists don't have witch hunts, they don't protest at rock concerts, and I betcha no buhdist ever said, "Aids is Gods way of killing all the fags." The fact is you would have a hard time finding any links for a "Buhdists Suck" story.

We've had Christ shoved down our throats our whole lives and once in a while some of us wanna shove back. Vive le Matt!

On a side note -no offence, Jesus, if you exist, please don't damn my soul, if I have a soul.

Such is the danger of my quest, that in fighting evil I will be corrupted by it.
On that day my soul will submit to the savagery of war.

-ROM
[ Parent ]



It's An Offensive Generalization... (none / 0) (#14)
by King Dinosaur (KingD@Hailtotheking.com) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 06:29:48 AM PDT
(User Info) http://www.kingdinosaur.com

And I have, in fact, known some Wiccans who suck abysmally. Self-righteousness in any religion is sucky. I'm sorry people feel that the high-profile defilers of a pretty decent doctrine are "shoving Christ down your throat". I have all kinds of shit shoved down my throat every day - most way more offensive to me than the Christian way of life.

I don't talk about this stuff much because I know most of my friends feel the way you do. I sure don't knock your right to feel that way - but please don't knock mine, either.

'Course, we're still rockin' for Satan, right?


"It ain't no broken." - Scott Taylor
[ Parent ]



Just doin my part (none / 0) (#16)
by ZomBfied (poundofflesh@hotmail.com) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 09:21:47 AM PDT
(User Info) http://www.uberdroid.com

...as the devil's advocate. Actually I think I know some of those wiccans you're talking about...

I'm more writing to understand and define my own beliefs, rather than knock yours --which when it comes right down to it probably aren't all that different from mine anyhow.

Till our final breath... Mu huh ha ha.

Such is the danger of my quest, that in fighting evil I will be corrupted by it.
On that day my soul will submit to the savagery of war.

-ROM
[ Parent ]



Your comment misses the point. (none / 0) (#18)
by theantix (foo [at] no foo for you [dot] com (it's dot com!)) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 09:57:09 AM PDT
(User Info)

Why shouldn't you be able to able to make fun of a majority group when you are the minority? Consider two scenarios: A person saying "Islam sucks" in America, and a person saying "Islam sucks" in a Mulism country. Which is more offensive? In the first case, when muslims are a tiny majority, it is incredibly insensitive, stupid, and offensive to say that they they suck. Without question.

But to me it's far less offensive when a person in say, Saudia Arabia, would say that Islam sucks. The culture there is dominantly muslim and it's a sign on healthy anti-establishment critical thinking to consider if it sucks or not.

And don't think the comparision is all that different: the president of the USA is an outspoken Christan and has gone so far as to say that athiests aren't even real citizens. Perhaps it would be good to consider whether or not it sucks or not -- even if you disagree.

[ Parent ]



A Clarification: (none / 0) (#17)
by matt (matt [at] satanosphere dotcom) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 09:51:07 AM PDT
(User Info) http://www.satanosphere.com

This is a little more controversy than I expected and it's not wholly unwelcome.

Let me start by saying that I hate organized religion in general. I think that it's an archaic fallback to a more fearful time. I think in the modern world it does more harm that good in most (but by all means not all) cases.

That said, I make fun of Christianity foremost for good and fair reasons. Their religion (or, indeed, religions) comes across generally based on intolerance, fear, and hate. There are many "good" Christians that practice what most Christians should. Unfortunately, they are fewer and quieter that the Christians-with-a-capital-Christ that fuel the stereotype I (and, really, we) love to make fun of.

On top of that, the argument that making fun of any religion (Islam, Judiasm, Streetmeatastles, et al.) is the same. Well, it is and it isn't. The reason I don't feel bad about picking on this particular religion is that it's the largest in our land. While you can't say that most American's are Christian, they have a larger make-up than any of the other major religions. To quote one famous Canadian, "... there is a great difference between poking fun at a minority and at a majority." I don't quote Canaidans very often, so when I do, you can be sure it's an important point.

There's no hatred or malice intended to the Christian status quo, however the Christins who are dumb enough to find Jesus in their lunch, who think it's ok to try to convert kids at school, and are self-righteous enough to get in a hissy about an awards show are asking for ridicule. They think they're shit doesn't stink, but that's because that's all they've ever smelled.

Please understand that is what "grain of salt" means, friends.

_____

Who has the "Oblique Diary Crown" right now? Rat? Well hand it over, buddy. -Zombified



sorry... (none / 0) (#19)
by Geek Foot on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 09:57:27 AM PDT
(User Info)

you're still going to hell.

see you there buddy.

<ct> Even bears won't drink Busch
[ Parent ]



I Agree and Disagree... (none / 0) (#20)
by King Dinosaur (KingD@Hailtotheking.com) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 10:45:24 AM PDT
(User Info) http://www.kingdinosaur.com

Mostly I can agree with your point of view - but, I'd like to disagree in that I think there are more "good" Christians than the wackos. But you're right in that they are "quieter". Just like there are more "good" kids than "bad", but you only hear of the really heinous ones. There are more "good" cops than "bad", but of course you get no Eyewitness news coverage for just doing your job. There are more "good" Islamic fundamentalists than "bad" but the "good" ones don't ram airplanes into towers filled with innocent people. There are more "good" Christians than "bad" but the good ones don't care about rooking you of your money over tv and radio or infiltrating government positions to force their way of life on you.

I guess I need to let this one go...just wanted to make my lonely voice heard.


"It ain't no broken." - Scott Taylor
[ Parent ]



The Worst Thing Spawned by Christianity... (none / 0) (#21)
by The Manowarrior (manowarrior@kingsofmetal.com) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 11:44:13 AM PDT
(User Info)

STRYPER!!!


"May Your Sword Stay Wet Like a Young Girl In Her Prime!"


Just Because I Can... (none / 0) (#22)
by Mister Rum n Coke (mdhpiper@hotmail.com) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 11:50:08 AM PDT
(User Info) http://rdos.blogspot.com

Stand Up and FIGHT!!!
For what you believe in
We-e-e-e know
HE's the ROCK that makes us ROLL


I'm sorry but I have had it! I have never heard of such a Christmas!! Sex... and drugs... an-an-and women being set on fire!
[ Parent ]



If You Were Here... (none / 0) (#23)
by The Manowarrior (manowarrior@kingsofmetal.com) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 12:07:34 PM PDT
(User Info)

I'd stick my sword in your eye!!!


"May Your Sword Stay Wet Like a Young Girl In Her Prime!"
[ Parent ]


oh Christ... (none / 0) (#25)
by satan (satan@satanosphere.com) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 01:30:18 PM PDT
(User Info)

Here we go again. How many times to I have to explain this? Evil is nothing without good. I don't want people to stop going to church? Shit, I'd be out of a job.

As much as God hates to admit it, he needs me. He also needs people getting bored to tears every Sunday sitting in those uncomfortable seats listening to alter-boy rapists preach against lust. Without people who believe in God, there would be no need for me, and GODDAMNIT I LIKE MY JOB!

I love dissent, hatred, chaos. But it's not in my best interest to attack the Throne this way.

Here's something you can all do for me. If you love freedom, anarchy, drugs, booze, sex or fun, go to church. Keep those attendences up there so I can have more people to corrupt. Without the Christians, I'd just get bored and waste away into nothing.

Jesus ain't got shit compared to me.



Christ. (none / 0) (#27)
by matt (matt [at] satanosphere dotcom) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 03:06:14 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.satanosphere.com

Sorry, but whoever you are, Satan would not say:

GODDAMNIT I LIKE MY JOB!

cuz really, he wouldn't have to, would he?

_____

Who has the "Oblique Diary Crown" right now? Rat? Well hand it over, buddy. -Zombified
[ Parent ]



The most vile curse I can think of... (none / 0) (#28)
by Mister Rum n Coke (mdhpiper@hotmail.com) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 03:34:36 PM PDT
(User Info) http://rdos.blogspot.com

Oh, Pauldammit to Microsoft anyways.


I'm sorry but I have had it! I have never heard of such a Christmas!! Sex... and drugs... an-an-and women being set on fire!
[ Parent ]



I can say what I like. (none / 0) (#29)
by satan (satan@satanosphere.com) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 03:55:08 PM PDT
(User Info)

C'mon... I am the Devil after all.

Jesus ain't got shit compared to me.
[ Parent ]



Gimme a break (none / 0) (#26)
by God (god@whatwouldhickeydo.com) on Tue Nov 19th, 2002 at 01:40:14 PM PDT
(User Info)

Things have gotten so twisted you're almost best off just becoming an Amway representative.
--G.


i grew up x-tian... (none / 0) (#30)
by agentduckhugger (agentduckhugger@hotmail.com) on Tue Nov 26th, 2002 at 01:47:18 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.geocities.com/agentduckhugger

and i totally disdain it... regardless of the nicer followers, like my parents and relatives who i still love, i hate their religion for all the subtle ways it fucks them up.  the teachings of christ (like the teachings of many religions) has good merit to it in some ways.. but it's packaged with a hell of alot of questionable bullshit.

*-*--*---*----*-----*------* * *
"All of the children run when the snarly ol' Jesus-mobile pokes it's rooting nose down their block!!" - I.S.A.



Christians Suck More and More | 30 comments (30 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
Display: Sort:

Front Page
Everything
News
Diaries
Culture
Rants
Entertainment
Advice
Sci-Tech
Weird
Satanosphere

Satanosphere.com
kuro5hin.org Powered by Scoop

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective companies. Comments are owned by the Poster. The Rest © 2001-2005 Satanosphere
/* You are not expected to understand this. */
/* You ARE expected to fear this. */

College dropouts at their finest
Puttin' the Fear into Sphere since 1991.

Need some assistance? Need to bitch at us about something? Email help@satanosphere.com.

create account | faq | search