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Donkey Punchin' Dirty Sanchez-wearin' Fun!

History
By matt, Section Weird
Posted on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 02:21:47 AM PDT
Most of you have heard of a Donkey Punch, or a Dirty Sanchez, or even a Hot Lunch. They are just a few of the dirtiest sexual things that some people (supposedly) do to each other. But few know that there are literally dozens of such things, most very offensive.

What I give you here is a partial list of some of the more disturbing (and fun-named) activities I've heard about. Don't try these at home.

If you're squeemish, do not read the rest of this story!

These range from the hilarious to the sickening to the violent. Some are downright awful. I can't recommend any of these. They're here as a reference, so when one of your "party friends" yells out, "give 'er a Frothy Walrus!" you'll know what they're talking about.

They are presented in no particular order, and I make no apologies for anything listed, I didn't make these up. They're part of party-person lexicon, and damn if they're not funny.

Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed to shit on her chest (A k a the Cleveland Steamer). This woman then becomes the "lunch lady".

The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.

Airtight - A woman is said to be airtight when her anus, vagina, and mouth are all full of penis.

Western Grip - When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you It is the same grip that rodeo folks use Hence, western

The Blumpkin - Getting a blowjob while on the toilet.

Donkey Punch - While enjoying a woman doggy style, moments before you cum, sticking your penis in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up. Variations include kidney punches.

Frothy Walrus - As a man climaxes during a blowjob, he makes a joke, causing the blower to laugh, thus expelling the semen out his or her nose.

Strawberry Shortcake - After a man ejaculates on his partners face, he punches them in the nose. The blood and semen mix to for a pinkish red-and-white streaked mess, looking much like a strawberry shortcake.

Tony Danza - Variant of the donkey punch. Includes the male asking the female, "Who's the boss?" Before she can answer, she is punched in the back of the head, whereupon the man says, "Tony fuckin' Danza."

Golden Shower - Any form of pissing all over another person (a k a - watersports).

Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever a man cums on the neck/cleavage area of a person - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.

Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a someone is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into their cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.

Fishhook - When having sex from behind, hook your fingers into their mouth and pull back, baring the teeth.

Bismarck- This is another one involving oral sex. Right before you are about to cum, you pull out, shooting your load all over your lover's face, aiming for an eye. You then punch the soiled eye.

The Woody Woodpecker - When someone is sucking on your balls, tap the head of your cock on their forehead.

Dogs in a Tub - This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a person's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.

Tossing Salad - Another prison act where one person is forced to basically chow asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available, i e Jell-O, olive oil, etc. Popularized by comedian Chris Rock.

The Bucking Bronco- An all time classic. You start by having sex from behind, and then just when your partner is really enjoying it, you grab onto them somehow as tightly as possible and call out another person's name, usually an ex. Then hold on as long as you can as they try to buck you off.

Snowjob - Blowjob involving ice cubes.

The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which, while doing your partner from behind, you insert your finger into said person's asshole, pull it out, wipe it across their upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes them look like someone whose name would be Dirty Sanchez. Frat house variants include sneaking up on an unsuspecting frat brother after soiling your own finger, placing it below their nose, and yelling, "Dirty Sanchez!"

Zebra - When two black people enjoy one white person.

The ChiliDog - You take a poo on a girl's breasts and then place your penis between her breasts. Also accomplished after anal sex without the pooing.

Glass Bottom Boat - Putting saran wrap over your partners face and laying a hot shit there. Particularly popular in Japan. Also known as Fudge Topping.

Ray-Bans - Put your testicles over your partner's eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forhead.)

Snowmobile - Always a blast. When getting your partner while they're on all fours, sweep out their arms out so they fall on her face.

Chaugle - To shit in your mates drawers. In usage, "I gave him Chaugle Pants".

High-Fiving - When two men are enjoying the same partner from opposite ends.

Chicken - A woman, while riding a man's cock, chokes him until he's unconscious.

Felching - After a man ejaculates into someone's anus, he sucks it out through a straw. Popular in Los Angeles.

Crossed Swords - A blowjob involving two penises at one time. Three becomes a Jawbreaker.

Docking - Popular among gay men. Pulling the foreskin of one penis over the head of the partner's, to create a "penis fuck".

Lucky Pierre - When three men have formed a sex train, the lover in the middle is known as the "Lucky Pierre".

New Jersey Meat Hook - When a man is having sex with a woman from behind, he then places a finger in her anus to pull him up and down his penis.

Perfect Ten - The maximum number of men a woman can pleasure at one time. So called because of the math involved: one each in the mouth, anus, and vagina, one in each hand, one in the crook of each elbow, one in the bend of each knee and one between the feet.

Shanghai Surprise - When you find out your lover is not the sex you thought they were, you've been given the Shanghai Surprise.

Dutch Oven - Rather simple. Whenever you pass gas while in bed, pull the covers over both of your head so your partner can enjoy your pork and beans as well.

I'm sure I'm missing some actions here. Please feel free to use the comments to fill us in on any activities that might be missing.

I hope you've all learned something, and if any of you actually do any of these, I expect to read about it in your diaries.

For further reading, there's always hot blooded's contribution from awhile back.

< It's All True! || 20 New Rumors (0 comments) | Don't let it die! (3 comments) >


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Donkey Punchin' Dirty Sanchez-wearin' Fun! | 12 comments (8 topical, 4 editorial, 0 hidden)
Shocker and Fisting are also popular Sex Sports (none / 0) (#4)
by dionysis (dionysis@bill.com) on Wed May 1st, 2002 at 01:55:06 PM PDT
(User Info)

Shocker- Is an advanced tactic where you use you index and middle fingers for the pussy of the woman while using your pinky finger to put in her ass. You can also do this in reverse if it pleases you.

Fisting- This is one of the most extreme Sex Sports on the market. You bring all of your fingers together then shove them into the orifice then when inside double up the fist and wiggle. For maximum pain and pleasure you can use both hands.

For more information on these subjects please visit http://www.thehun.net



Yah! I forgot one! (none / 0) (#5)
by matt (matt [at] satanosphere dotcom) on Wed May 1st, 2002 at 02:17:23 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.satanosphere.com

Fisting both the Vagina and the Anus is called Busywork.

_____

Who has the "Oblique Diary Crown" right now? Rat? Well hand it over, buddy. -Zombified
[ Parent ]



the frightening thing is.... (none / 0) (#7)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.gmail.com) on Wed May 1st, 2002 at 04:14:58 PM PDT
(User Info) http://museumpoparch.blogspot.com

I learned about the large majority of these practices after stumbling upon a guide to Nevada whorehouses in my dad's library once. Obviously some of the names are probably a little different, but in general the scope of these...

Oh, shit... my dad's library...

(Gasp)

Well, my therapist will be happy for new topic! The dream with the horses was getting tedious.

--Shrug
Now Doing Weddings And Irony



Shrug (none / 0) (#9)
by matt (matt [at] satanosphere dotcom) on Wed May 1st, 2002 at 04:57:35 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.satanosphere.com

We need that book!

_____

Who has the "Oblique Diary Crown" right now? Rat? Well hand it over, buddy. -Zombified
[ Parent ]



nah (none / 0) (#11)
by Paul Shrug (paulshrug@YourSadCareerAsASpammer.gmail.com) on Fri May 3rd, 2002 at 12:48:22 PM PDT
(User Info) http://museumpoparch.blogspot.com

We don't need that book, as I'm sure the info is outdated. This was around 15-20 years ago. I am positive more current versions exist.

--Shrug
Now Doing Weddings And Irony
[ Parent ]



did you know? (none / 0) (#8)
by Quacky (quackyATsatanosphereDOTcom) on Wed May 1st, 2002 at 04:46:37 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.ibiblio.org/nge/idiot.swf

  • There's a shooter drink called Donkey Punch -- which I'd never touch because it's kalhua and green apple schnapps garnished with alfalfa sprouts (what the hell kind of bar has alfalfa sprouts???)
  • There's a web film called The Adventures of Dirty Sanchez which isn't really about fingers in butts, but it does have a butt-ward focus.
  • And there's a sea anemone favored by aquarium owners called Purple Mushroom

So, since Matt's post is sorta kinda the type we tend to frown on here -- i.e. repurposed content from somewhere else -- I propose a contest. Let's all do some digging and see if we can't flesh out the list with some more informative links

HINT: when clicking, don't forget to hover


---
"Idle hands spend time at the genitals...and we ALL know how much God hates that."
--- Old Drippy [ATFH]



Frown upon... (3.00 / 1) (#10)
by matt (matt [at] satanosphere dotcom) on Wed May 1st, 2002 at 05:09:41 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.satanosphere.com

...except original content, which I assume this is categorized as. ;-)

_____

Who has the "Oblique Diary Crown" right now? Rat? Well hand it over, buddy. -Zombified
[ Parent ]



tehe (none / 0) (#12)
by Velveteen (Faux@blackmagic.zzn.com) on Fri May 3rd, 2002 at 02:13:01 PM PDT
(User Info)

Happy Crab when you stick your pointer finger in a girl's vagina and your thumb from the same hand in her anus, then clap the fingers together like a pinching crab claw
<img src="http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/destruction/donatedestruction.


Donkey Punchin' Dirty Sanchez-wearin' Fun! | 12 comments (8 topical, 4 editorial, 0 hidden)
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