One of the aspects of the system is that for the most part the regular bums have staked out certain territories. After a few attempts to make my pocket change jingle a little less, and subsequent rejections on my part, they realize I'm a downtown regular and hep to that jive and give up. But occasionally an old bindlestiff decides to pack up his swag bag and move on to greener urban pastures. I'm guessing that those who are in Olympia in the winter must summer in Anchorage or something. Perhaps they follow the mosquito hatch out. Unfortunately that leaves various open bego-niches for vagabonds coming up from the south. It's these new tramps that usually present the most problems. Cause I have to unsling the big guns to break em in.
My favorite technique is this. When a hobo proffers his empty nicotine-stained fingers and asks if I "...got any spare change mister" I just stop and coldly stare directly into his eyes. I hold that look lock until he flinches, then I proceed on my merry way. Sometimes, just for the fun of it, as I approach a person who is obviously about to try to handle my pan I use what I call the preemptive panhandling technique. Before he has a chance to utter a word I ask him for money. Timing is important here. The experience I had bumming quarters in my hippie youth comes in handy. The average professional parasite tries to time his plea four steps ahead of the moment you actually reach him. Kind of like leading a duck. You are, after all, a moving target and his goal is to stop you from moving long enough to insert his projectile of entreaty into the compassionate target of your heart. So "Hey," I say when I'm about five steps away. This confuses him long enough for me to fetch up in front of him and ask, "Got any spare change?" One time I actually got a quarter. Those of you who are crueler than me may want to experiment with other variations of this theme. Like: "Hey, can you spare me a dime? My parking meter's expired." Or: "Hey, got any change? I'm just a quarter short of a double mocha."
But maybe you're the silent type. Maybe you consider any confrontation with a sponging, good-for-nothing, derelict wastrel an intimidating experience. Maybe you're one of those many people who don't shop downtown because they view even the mildest form of panhandling as "aggressive" panhandling. It's funny. The homeless advocates that attempt to define only "some" panhandling as bad (as if begging were a normal biological behavior and beggars needed to be somehow protected by the endangered species act) miss the point here. Someone getting into someone else's space -- on any level -- and asking them to give up their hard earned money is just plain rude. Always. And any such forced confrontation can and should justifiably be defined as aggression.
But I digress. Here's an approach for you silent types. Pick up a stack of those deaf and dumb cards that were so popular a few years back. The ones that say: "I'm deaf and dumb, please help. Any contribution is appreciated." Carry them with you whenever you come downtown. When a beggar approaches, hand him one of the cards and look at him expectantly. When he fails to fork over, shrug your shoulders in disappointment and walk on.
Oh, and try not to laugh out loud.
