| Tearful players held each other through the night in their jacuzzis and around their artificial fireplaces, as they pondered the sad ramifications of their current impovershed state. Feeding each other PowerBars and trading swigs of Gatorade from a thermos, the downtrodden athletes tried in whatever measley ways they could to console themselves, to nurture each other as the prospect of having to trade down to a Lexus loomed ever heavier on their minds.
Baseball owners, whose stock portfolios have likewise suffered fatal blows resulting in forced cutbacks on Cuban cigar intake, could not be reached for comment, as they were contacted during visits from their masseuses and could not speak on the phone.
The only winners in this sad situation are the fans, who are looking forward to having the multi-million salaries of baseball players redirected into small local businesses, for the benefit of their communities and improvement of their bottom lines.
Still, the picture of deprived, wan and glassy-eyed players, and the vision of poor, dejected, thin owners have made a dent in the country's mindscape, as a sad reminder of America's most economically tortured peoples. Won't you please give? |
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