Minneapolis, Minnesota
Taped September 10, 2002
Broadcast September 12, 2002There was only 31 minutes of wrestling tonight
How about this, a Wrestling Show starts out with a Wrestling Match...and with the Heavyweight Champ at that.
Nontitle Match
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Hardcore Holly
This was a typical Brock match, except that Holly was able to get in some token offense. A scary moment happened as a botched powerbomb ended with Hardcore landing on the back of his head, but he wasn't hurt. As usual, Brock hit the F5 and got the win.
Brock happened to work this match while suffering from the flu. Also, there was some chattering around the internet that Hardcore Holly wasn't selling his moves properly, and that Brock snapped and worked more stiffly as a result. There were just as many chatterers denying that, so who cares.
Tag-Team Match
Eddie & Chavo Guerrero vs. John Cena & Edge
Eddie is still pissed about Edge shoving his face into Rikishi's ass last week, and vows revenge.
The Guerrero's, being relatives and having grown up and trained together, had the advantage in this match. (Eddie is Chavo's Uncle, but they are only 3 years apart.)
Cena was in the majority of the match: he was able to hold his own well enough, but the Guerrero's kept tagging in and out and maintained the upperhand. Edge was able to get tagged in and got some offense, but he eventually ate some steel post and fell to the floor.
Chavo hit his Brainbuster on Cena, and Eddie's Frog Splash finished the match.
Brainbuster: Holding your opponent in a Front Face Lock, you lift him off of his feet, and plant him either face-first or on top of his head.
The Guerrero's drag Edge back in for some shit-talk, but Chavo has a better shit-idea. He drops his tights and wedgies his shorts up.
Eddie goes for his revenge, but Edge reverses and Eddie is shoved face-first into his Nephew's ass. Chavo smiles while the face is rubbed in his crack, but he eventually turns around to discover who it is. He tries to attack, but trips over his bunched-down tights.
After the commercial, Eddie is seen washing his face down with water, while Chavo protests that it's not that bad...he wiped afterall. TMI. Eddie screams that if Chavo weren't blood, he'd kick his ass....gee, being family didn't stop them from fighting in WCW.
**Undertaker's wife Sara, pregnant with the little 'taker, is in the building tonight since she had family in Minneapolis to visit. Matt Hardy bothers 'Taker with some unwanted congratulations over Sara's condition and gets shoved across the hall for his troubles.
**Rico asks Stephanie to be part of the wedding ceremony, but Steph's always had bad luck around weddings and declines. Rico starts to break down, everything's going wrong: He got a bride instead of two grooms for the cake, the singers are stuck in traffic, the flowers haven't arrived, he still needs a witness...Since Steph had asked for them to hold the ceremony on her show, she agrees to be the Witness afterall.
Singles Match
Kurt Angle vs. Rey Misterio
Kurt also is pissed about getting the stinkface last week. He warns Chris Benoit that if he ever laughs at him again, his face will have a Holy Union with Kurt's fist.
Kurt then tries to insult Misterio, but keeps flubbing his words up into NAMBLA references: "You're a boy in a man's world, and I'm a man who LOVES to play with boys." "What I meant to say is you're a boy and I'm a man and tonight I'm going to LOVE to manhandle you." "When you and I get together here tonight I'm going to get on top of you and...."
Since these two have had a match every week it seems, there's no need to recap it too thoroughly. Angle wins with a Super Olympic Slam.
Samoan Drop: Holding your victim in a Fireman's Carry, you drop backwards - squashing him on his back.
Olympic Slam / AngleSlam: A Samoan Drop that has a little bit of a swing to it.
Super-: A Super version of any move usually means that it's performed from the top rope.
Singles Match
Chris Benoit vs. Rikishi
Chris Benoit had the upperhand in this match. Towards the end, he climbed the ropes to perform his Diving Headbutt when Kurt Angle ran to the ring and shoved Benoit off. Angle then went after Rikishi but was kicked out of the ring. Rikishi then knocks Chris into position for the Stinkface - Angle helpfully holds Benoit in place by the arms and laughs while the deed is done. By the way, Benoit won the match via disqualification.
**In Stephanie's office, Benoit demands a match against Kurt Angle at Unforgiven and gets it. Matt Hardy demands a match against Undertaker TONIGHT and gets it too.
THE WEDDING
For a complete transcript of the entire ceremony, check out Christopher Robin Zimmerman's site.
Rico isn't happy with anything: The singers are in the wrong dresses, the garlands are all wrong, and he ordered tulips but got PANSIES instead. Also, the Justice of the Peace is a blithering old man.
Billy and Chuck have written their own vows, they affirm their committment to each other. We watch a video package of their WWE partnership (not much footage, it hasn't even been six months)
The Godfather: The Wrestling Pimp. Always accompanied by a selection of his finest Hos. (usually hired from local strip clubs)
When it's time for "speak now or forever hold your piece", The Godfather comes out and exposes Billy and Chuck as being straight. Rico gets nervous and starts rushing the ceremony: He fast-talks Billy and Chuck into saying "Yes"...but as soon as they do, both boys come out, or...I guess they Go In...I dunno.
They announce that they're not really Gay, that it's just a Publicity Stunt, and that this is all going too far (Crowd is finally cheering at this point) Rico isn't happy about this at all and argues with the boys.
The Justice of the Peace tries to intervene...he says Billy and Chucks bond will never change, be it fifty years or six months or...THREE MINUTES!
Off comes the wig and latex mask, and it's Eric Bischoff! Rico kicks Billy, Chuck grabs Rico, Eric grabs Steph.
The Island Boys kill Billy and Chuck, then Eric throws Stephanie to them and she gets Samoan Dropped. Eric and Rosie hold her down in position so Jamal can splash her from the top rope, but before he can the ENTIRE Smackdown lockerroom rushes the ring (except for Brock and Undertaker, they're too important I guess.) Faces and Heels are united in protecting Steph from further damage. Rico runs off with Bisch and the Fat Boys.
Singles Match
Torrie Samuda vs. Nidia
Really now, after what just happened, does anyone give a shit about this match? Would they have given a shit anyways? Torrie wins with a Swinging Neckbreaker.
Main Event
Undertaker vs. Matt Hardy
Matt comes out accompanied by Brock and Heyman.
Paul keeps jumping on the apron during the match, so the referee sends him away from ringside. Undertaker spends the match killing Matt left and right.
Paul goes back to Undertaker's dressing room where Sara is all alone. Undertaker sees this on the Big Screen and runs back there. Taker throttles Paul, but get's knocked out by Brock and the show is over.
Presumably, Matt won by countout.
**********
Smackdown was taped on September 10th, and anyone with internet access would have been able to read the results immediately. The Wednesday in between the taping and the broadcast, Billy and Chuck were interviewed by Howard Stern and later by Matt Lauer on the Today Show.
While on the Today Show, it was revealed that GLAAD was in full support of this storyline and they had even gotten Billy and Chuck a wedding gift: A Gravy Boat.
AFTER the episode aired, GLAAD was upset. Apparently, whoever's in charge of being their spokesperson believed that Billy and Chuck were legitimately getting married in a ceremony. They were appalled to learn that Billy and Chuck were actually Straight. Sounds to me like some idiot believes that Wrestling is real.
They were originally under the impression that this segment was going to further legitimize Gays in the eyes of Mainstream America, but I challenge them to point out ANYTHING benificial to the public that came out of Pro Rasslin' other than cheap entertainment that often caters to the lowest common denominator of society.
The irony of this, and all the StinkFaces, Salad Tossing and Vince McMahon's Kiss My Ass Club (Please, don't ask)that has been on WWF tv the last few years...is that fans of wrestling, especially younger male fans, often have to defend themselves watching it when schoolyard bullies claim that it's just a bunch of sweaty fags rolling around in their underwear.
Oh Well...on the flipside, the WWE is going to be marketing the HLA (Hot Lesbian Action) shirt...and by the way, my birthday is coming up.
