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Guys, No Matter What Your Girlfriends Tell You, DO NOT EAT SOY!!!!

Ranting!
By Quacky, Section Sci-Tech
Posted on Thu Feb 26th, 2004 at 02:38:31 PM PDT

Hot on the heels of some other startling medical news is the announcement today by some, er Irish scientists, that soy causes male infertility. And you know why? Estrogen! Soy food products contain high levels of the emasculating female hormone estrogen. BOO!

So, all you guys out there, especially you ones with vegetarian or vegan girlfriends:


PUT DOWN THE SOY RIGHT NOW MAN!!!
It's a trick!

Read on for some further manly aid...

As far as we can tell, based on our world wide research and fact-finding, it would seem that girlfriends have long been involved in a cruel international conspiracy to turn us away from the masculine truth that is our birthright. It starts with the soy, and then before long, you're being told what you can and cannot watch on the TV.

Well, excuse me girlfriends, but if I want to enjoy Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills I think I will, thank you very much.

It should be obvious by now to readers of Satanosphere.com, that any attempt to subvert or overturn our healthy masculine interests, or to derail us from pursuing our sophistocated intellectual pastimes will be met with a chorus of derisive laughter. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

So, soy-pushing girlfriends of the world, just forget it! We unite in our refusal to become moisturized, suede-blazered, estrogenated hippies! We will continue to rock, consume booze publicly, celebrate our most important moments, search for buried treasure, and appreciate true feminine beauty [NSFW, duh].

No matter what you try to get us to eat, or emulsify, or coif ...

< Going Down For the Last Time? (5 comments) | Don't let it die! (3 comments) >


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Related Links
· other startling medical news
· soy causes male infertility
· can
· cannot watch
· Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills
· healthy masculine
· sophistocated intellectual pastimes
· rock
· publicly
· important moments
· buried treasure
· feminine beauty
· More on Ranting!
· Also by Quacky

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Guys, No Matter What Your Girlfriends Tell You, DO NOT EAT SOY!!!! | 6 comments (6 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
Verily! (none / 0) (#1)
by devonuseless (dumbass@icantbelieveisaidthatoutloud.org) on Thu Feb 26th, 2004 at 06:12:28 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.espressoparts.com

And YEA! he spoke the words of truth!

"I'm tryin'/I'm tryin' to/Drink away the part of the day that I cannot sleep away"



Wow (none / 0) (#2)
by matt (matt [at] satanosphere dotcom) on Thu Feb 26th, 2004 at 06:19:38 PM PDT
(User Info) http://www.satanosphere.com

This explains so much about feminist hippies it's not even funny.

Wait, yes, yes, it is.

_____

Who has the "Oblique Diary Crown" right now? Rat? Well hand it over, buddy. -Zombified



PURE METAL!!!! (none / 0) (#3)
by Geek Foot on Thu Feb 26th, 2004 at 06:36:22 PM PDT
(User Info)

i can't wait until we retire and become the drunk in public old guys with metal detectors!!

"My wife said I needed a healthy hobbie, and she's proud of the weight I've lost. But she's really proud of *this*!"

And then we'll eat steak, watch porn, and count down the days til march 14th.

<ct> Even bears won't drink Busch



Are you kidding me? (5.00 / 1) (#4)
by hot blooded (ilovedraculaBUTIHATESPAM@hotmail.com) on Thu Feb 26th, 2004 at 07:55:20 PM PDT
(User Info)

I think it's gonna be more like "I don't need to wear a condom, baby. I'm a soy-eating vegan!"

hb: I'm having a party in my refrigerator and you're invited.
sw: That's so cool!



And... (none / 0) (#5)
by mlc on Tue Mar 2nd, 2004 at 06:42:08 AM PDT
(User Info)

This is a problem, why, exactly? Because I want to have children?
Sig: (This will get posted after your comments)


But you should be serving up all the soy you can (none / 0) (#6)
by Crazydee (crazydee666@sinfulbutworthyineveryway.com) on Thu Mar 4th, 2004 at 06:51:42 PM PDT
(User Info)

to your girlfriends! You will thank yourself when she reaches her 40s and 50s. And if she is appreciative, she will rub you down with testosterone cream when you reach your late 30s. She may, just maybe, even celebrate March 14th.



Now, how much will you pay? But wait, there's more...




Guys, No Matter What Your Girlfriends Tell You, DO NOT EAT SOY!!!! | 6 comments (6 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
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