Click Ads Hard!

Why not give us money?

Because beer just isn't enough for lunch...

Our Regular Columnists

Paul Shrug: Mister Rum n Coke: · Will the Resurrection Be Televised?

New User Diaries

story by henry john Test by Dead Air Olympia by Starwing Guess who's back? by Paul Shrug 14th Annual Olympia Experimental Music Festival! by Dead Air Holy shit by ZomBfied Admin request: by Brogdel

Some Random Stories For You

I know you're CARZY for me. by matt Rants::News Cynic's Sideline 6/24/02 | Yo Donatello! by Funny Guy Columns::Funny! Death Watch '04: Reggie White by Paul Shrug News::Death

I Am Setted By Big Red Carpet at Mr. Oscar's House
By Zener Card Shark, Section Diaries Posted on Sun Mar 5th, 2006 at 02:53:37 PM PDT
I am Zener Card Shark! I am in the Los Angeles area code watching people go to Mr. Oscar's house where they get basket full of gifts, and lucky ones they get statue of golden man with no baby-making business down there! How do people get statue of golden man with no baby-making business? By playing people who are being gay! Zener think giving them statues with no baby-making business very therefore appropriate! [editor's note, by matt] That's right, Satanozens, you're favorite card-reading psychic, Zener, is back! And we'll be employing her to predict the future of events like the Oscars, the X-Games, and Lindsay Lohan's Rehab Theater! (7 comments, 1187 words in story) Full Story

And Now I Provide The Names of Oscar Winning People From The Movies
By Zener Card Shark, Section Diaries Posted on Wed Feb 25th, 2004 at 07:16:15 PM PDT
I am Zener Card Shark! Sunday night, you know, people drive around in big long cars in Lost Angeles, and they all end up at big theater, where some of them go and win awards for the movies that they have done, and other people give out these awards, and people who don't win or give out awards are going to after-award show parties and getting drunk with Micky Rorke! I predict who walk home with trophy, and who walk home with nothing more than shrimp appetizers stuffed in their pockets and Micky Rorke hanging over them asking for subway money! (1374 words in story) Full Story

I am loving the poetry now!
By Zener Card Shark, Section Diaries Posted on Wed Feb 18th, 2004 at 05:00:38 PM PDT
I am Zener Card Shark! I am a poet as well! (41 words in story) Full Story

I Am Back! How I escape, or, How I get away!
By Zener Card Shark, Section Diaries Posted on Tue Feb 17th, 2004 at 01:28:08 PM PDT
I am Zener Card Shark! It is with much tears and crying and snot coming out of nose that I kiss ground of Satan Sphere! Oh how I miss update every day of most mental healthy people in cyberspacing! I miss interpreting dreams and giving future psychic advice to people! So many people ask me, where the hell Zener been? Where Zener go? Last time we see Zener was in Aspic, Colorado at psychic convention, right before evil fraudulenting backstabber la-la-la-la-I-not-listening-to-you MISS CLEO GET BUSTED! Well now I explain myself. Because my mysterious disappearing happen not long after that. And who do you think it was responsible for Zener going away not saying goodbye? That dirt-filled rat MISS CLEO of course! That Jamacia floozie keep me in that hole for TWO YEARS! (4 comments, 1542 words in story) Full Story

Happyest of Birthdayings to Satanosphere!
By Zener Card Shark, Section Diaries Posted on Sat Mar 30th, 2002 at 10:29:11 AM PDT
I am Zener Card Shark! Oh, Satanosphere turning one year old today! Hippy-hippy hooray and things! I was doing plans to fly come to downtown Olympics and attend party being given at Thickla, but unfortunately have super-special seance must be conducting for relatives of Duddy Moore -- finally, now that he passed on to other world, he able to speak and he got lots of revisions in will! Beau Derrick getting written out, Duddy tells me! But I prepare special horrorscope for this year for Satansphere! Lots of big changes I will tell you about! (505 words in story) Full Story

Look at This! Zener Predict Winners of Grammie Awardings!
By Zener Card Shark, Section Diaries Posted on Tue Feb 26th, 2002 at 10:27:21 AM PDT
I am Zener Card Shark! Okay, every year or so, people they get together in big multipurpose arena to hand out things to people who make noise with the drums and the guitars and the singing, they are called I believe the Grammys! This year I receive the psychic messages about who win, and Satan's Spear gets exclusive from cosmos! (8 comments, 1930 words in story) Full Story

Now I am in Aspen for psyche conventioning!
By Zener Card Shark, Section Diaries Posted on Tue Feb 19th, 2002 at 09:19:14 AM PDT
Oh, oh, oh oh oh! My Satanizing darlings! I am now here in Aspic Colorado for convening of psychics and clearvoyants and taro readers and such! Getting down to the business now, but I first had wonderful downhill skiing episode with ghost of Sonnie Bono! Miss Cleo got balls of fire showing up here too... but Zener take care of that, you know? (1 comment, 855 words in story) Full Story

Oh so now Miss Cleo Satanspherical member!
By Zener Card Shark, Section Diaries Posted on Tue Feb 5th, 2002 at 09:16:40 AM PDT
I see you! You try sneak in on my turf, clever little Cleo now! Come here! I not afraid! I think I put little pole up here too! (231 words in story) Full Story

Next 8 >>